Article 43


Are You A Neocon?


Are you a NEOCON?

Do you believe…

1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals, everything New Age and Hillary Clinton.

2. Saddam was a “good guy” when Reagan armed him; a “bad guy” when Daddy Bush made war on him; a “good guy” (again) when Cheney did business with him; and a “bad guy” (again) when Junior Bush needed an excuse called “we have to ‘liberate’ Iraq because - we-can’t-find-Bin Laden” as a diversion.  Then we sanctimoniously saw to it he was hanged by his peers as soon as possible.

3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is “Communist”, but trade with “Communist” China and “Communist” Viet Nam is vital to a “spirit of international harmony” (and they didn’t even offer us free doctors’ services like Cuba did during Hurricane Katrina - which Bush wouldn’t let us have because they are, well, “Communist").

4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, while, in the meantime, our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

5. A woman can’t be trusted to make decisions about her own body, but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting the health and welfare of all humanity without regulation, oversight or adequately answering for their very serious mistakes.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans’ benefits when they come home (especially when wounded) and cutting their combat pay and family benefits to shreds.

7. If only condoms can be kept out of schools, then we know that adolescents won’t have premarital sex.

8. A good and efficient way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies and then, at the same time, demand their cooperation and money.

9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans and denying basic health care to millions of poor children is oh, oh...Socialism.  Besides, we know for sure that the HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the American public at heart.

10. Global warming and BigTobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but Creationism - never Evolution - should be taught in America’s public schools (What would GOD think?).

11. A president who lied about an extramarital affair is charged with an impeachable offense.  But a president who consistently and openly lied to enlist the support of the American people for a war in which hundreds of thousands of people are dying everyday and who is soliciting the Congress for more and more money to keep the horror going is actually backing his “solid defense policy”.

12. Government should always limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution which, of course, includes: banning gay marriages, abortion and censoring the Internet

13. The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George W. Bush’s driving record, and his daily intake of Prozac and whatever else he’s on, is none of our business!

14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an “illness” and, folks, he needs our prayers for a speedy recovery.

15. Supporting “Executive Privilege” for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (into perpetuity) is the order of the day!

16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960’s (toked on a joint “but didn’t inhale") is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the 1980’s (snorted cocaine, and inhaled a LOT) is irrelevant.

17. We support hunters who shoot their friends and then blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.

Credit: Kira

Posted by Elvis on 01/08/08 •
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