Article 43


Sunday, October 07, 2018

Lost All Hope

image: lost all hope

Just because a person attempts suicide doesn’t mean they want to die. Rather, often they have lost what I call the “power of hope.” When faced with a BAD SITUATION that has NO END IN SIGHT, coupled with the helpless feeling that NOTHING YOU CAN DO will make a difference, it’s all too easy to LOSE HOPE. AT SOME POINT suicide for some becomes a viable option, rather than CONTINUNG TO FACE the constant pain and suffering that life has become. If you can give someone who is contemplating suicide merely the glimmer of hope, that is often enough to get them through the rough patch to consider other options.
- White, Middle-Age Suicide In America Skyrocket

“Sometimes when life gives you a million reasons to not want to stay, you need just one person that looks at you, listens to you, helps you get help and validates how you feel.”
- Lady Gaga

[P]eople who went through “post-traumatic growth” after life-events such as serious illness, divorce or the loss of a job, as well as near-death experiences. Initially, most of them experienced a DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL, where their previous values were thrown into question, and life ceased to have any meaning. After this, they went through a phase of spiritual searching, trying to make sense of what had happened to them, and find new values. And finally, once they had found new spiritual principles to live by, they entered a phase of “spiritual integration,” when they applied these new principles.
- Psychological Healing

“I doubt whether such suffering improves a man; but I know that it makes him deeper.”
- Nietszche

Somewhere today, perhaps while you were reading this, someone has taken their life because they felt useless, with no hope of gainful employment, their self-esteem ground down, the sense of meaning and connection severed by redundancy and societal disconnection.
- Unemployment is Killing People


While the U.S. Department Of Labor PROPAGANDIZES a healthy economy:

U.S. Secretary of Labor Alexander Acosta today issued the following statement regarding the September 2018 Employment Situation report: “In September, the unemployment rate fell to 3.7%, the lowest since 1969.

... another THANKSGIVING is around the corner, and another job is gone for me.  The company let go of a bunch of Americans while keeping everyone OVERSEAS.  There wasn’t a peep on the local news.

What else is NEW?

Like I explained HERE, the economic recovery they talk about today is as HOLLOW as the JOBLESS RECOVERY president Obama talked about five years ago:

Economic recovery is now treated as consistent with declining standards of living. Lowered expectations and acquiescence in long term working-class hardship are now built into what we are told to regard as recovery.

The only thing I can say good about loosing my crappy CALL CENTER job is - it’s a job, not a career - so it’s less of a big deal than loosing a well-paid position.

But the JOB HUNT is JUST AS BAD as it was when I started this site IN 2004.


A separate measure of unemployment that includes discouraged workers and those holding jobs part-time for economic reasons sometimes called the “real unemployment rate” - edged higher to 7.5 percent.

Those counted as not in the labor force did increase by 74,000, bringing that number to nearly 96.4 million.

image: not in labor force 9/2018

I live paycheck to paycheck. The nest egg is gone, and fear of GROWING OLD alone, penniless and HOMELESS - haunts me every minute of every day.

FEELINGS OF STRESS, failure, isolation and paralyzing fear kept surfacing in our analyses with alarming regularity. With severe stress, comes further debilitating self-destructive ways of thinking including avoidance, denial and isolation. As the ability to manage stress spirals, it inevitably moves toward physical dysfunction and chronic disease.

I’ve THOUGHT about - and WRITTEN about - SUICIDE so many times, that it’s HARD TO DECIDE if I’m a whiner like teenagers that slit their wrists for attention, or deserve a medal for fighting the urge to kill myself year after year.


I’m a coward.

When my mother fell to her knees crying SIX YEARS AGO after I told her I can’t afford a plane ticket to visit her anymore - I went in the garage, hooked up a hose to the car’s tailpipe, sat in the front seat with it, turned on the engine, shut it off a few seconds later, and chickened out.

I WISH I had the strength to PULL IT OFF and end the suffering right there and then. 

SUICIDES ASSOCIATED WITH UNEMPLOYMENT totalled a nine-fold higher number of deaths than excess suicides attributed to the most recent economic crisis.

I still can’t afford to visit mom, and live with the feelings of ultimate looser, coward, rotten son, and weak, INSECURE MAN:

Nowadays, being a white male is the single biggest risk factor [for suicide]. Why is that? According to Case and Deaton, drastic changes in the labor market is the most significant factor. Meyer claims another driver.  “Hegemonic masculinity,” or a perception that heightened masculinity must be portrayed at all times, a goal that no male can live up to. Sooner or later everyone needs to be vulnerable and let their emotions out. This inability to fit into such a rigid framework causes psychological pain in the form of guilt, shame, disgust, and self-hatred. This builds to the point where the person can no longer take it.

The years long suffering COMES from LONG-TERM UNEMPLOYMENT/UNDEREMPLOYMENT and resulting financial ruin that led to all sorts of things from loss of self-esteem and friends, to selling my possessions, to frightening dreams of living in the street preyed on like a wounded, bleeding animal.

ASK SOMEONE - a relative, friend or neighbor - who is unemployed at this age, you hear the same things. Endless applications, unreturned calls, useless job searches, financial losses, anger, guilt and fear. Being jobless can be a soul-killing experience. For many, the work we do is an important part of our identity and a source of dignity.

Besides giving up on myself - everyone else gave up on me.

THE JOURNEY has been a solitary, lonely event.  A few have offered to walk down THIS PATH with me for a little while, but then DISAPPEAR.  That’s a real killer.  One friend who I met at Sprint while we were both WORKING AS CONTRACTORS still takes me out to dinner twice a month.

There’s no guardian angel, no best friend, no wife and kids, no JESUS, and no Buddhist mantra - to SHARE - or help lift - the pain.

Nobody’s around to hand me a tissue to wipe away the tears, or even notice I’m crying.

The thought of being homeless is as frightening as going to jail. I’m not strong enough for either, but spend weekends sleeping on the floor trying to prepare for a future without a bed:

ONE IN TEN CITIES nationwide has a law prohibiting residents from giving homeless people food, 53% of American cities prohibit sitting or lying down in certain public places and 43% of cities prohibit someone from sleeping in their car.

Unless the economy changes, or a pot of gold falls on my head, I’m pretty sure I’ll die by my own hand.  Maybe not today or tomorrow, but I’ll break.  There’s only so much agony any one person can take.  How long it will take for someone to even notice I’m gone?  Days? Weeks?  Knowing nobody cares eases my conscience, but also means nobody will try to stop me.

We all need one good friend. Someone you know will be there for you no matter what. Someone you know will never hurt you. Someone you feel the same for.  If you have one good friend - a friend that doesn’t draw lines - a friend that loves and supports you through terrible times - coping is MUCH MORE EASIER:

“I surrounded myself with people who helped me keep it together, so to speak, when I started to lose hope,” she said. I have one friend, in particular, who I leaned on quite heavily. Without her, and the counseling, I’m not sure how I would have survived. My family was a great help also. My dad, especially.

LAST MONTH when I poured my guts out to my only relative (other than my elderly mom) :

[he] brushed me off. The same cousin who I grew up with, is tired of listening to my venting, and tired of giving me pep talks when I talk about how depressing the experience of hunting for a job year after year is, and HOW FRIGHTENED OF THE FUTURE I am. Polls show that most older people are more worried about running out of money than dying.

IF YOU’RE FACED WITH A TRAGEDY and someone tells you in any way, shape or form that your tragedy was meant to be, that it happened for a reason, that it will make you a better person, or that taking responsibility for it will fix it, you have every right to remove them from your life.

In our society today, there’s only two types of of people - strong and weak.

LOVE AND COMPASSION are for the weak.


image: help me

Posted by Elvis on 10/07/18 •
Section Personal
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